shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
