I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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