Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
