There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
