bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
