I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
