I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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