Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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