Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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