All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
