the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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