This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
