you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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