We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
