I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he thought i was a dude.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
