My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
