Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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