I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
