im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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