one might say we're banned from that church
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
