i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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