I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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