Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
