everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
