I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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