i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
