really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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