I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
