They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
