every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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