I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
