4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
