Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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