Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
