I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My vagina just clenched in fear
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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