were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
