Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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