My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER