look no pants
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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