Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.

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(901): I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game. http://tfl.nu/7tak

Replies (15) Good night (573) Bad night (2352)
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(845): View more from New York

If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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(845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt. http://tfl.nu/ayuf

Replies (147) Good night (1822) Bad night (5570)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.

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(678): Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again. http://tfl.nu/y1d0

Replies (32) Good night (1268) Bad night (6169)
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(925): View more from California

I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me

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(925): I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me http://tfl.nu/miwp

Replies (26) Good night (6087) Bad night (778)
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(214): View more from Texas

he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

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(214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1

Replies (79) Good night (38316) Bad night (1743)
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(630): View more from Illinois

hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?

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(630): hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister? http://tfl.nu/p7gf

Replies (15) Good night (5228) Bad night (1657)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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(321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3

Replies (33) Good night (10452) Bad night (969)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."

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(479): He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana." http://tfl.nu/t5zw

Replies (35) Good night (1693) Bad night (4115)
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(772): View more from Florida

You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.

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(772): You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list. http://tfl.nu/hcyy

Replies (9) Good night (2953) Bad night (1474)
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(303): View more from Colorado

There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat

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(303): There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat http://tfl.nu/blab

Replies (5) Good night (1873) Bad night (731)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.

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(201): There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now. http://tfl.nu/urj5

Replies (3) Good night (1481) Bad night (712)
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(979): View more from Texas

Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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(979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8

Replies (4) Good night (1983) Bad night (532)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.

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(832): Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles. http://tfl.nu/3k5e

Replies (4) Good night (1621) Bad night (485)
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(702): View more from Nevada

If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.

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(702): If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak. http://tfl.nu/8cng

Replies (7) Good night (1420) Bad night (410)
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(319): View more from Iowa

She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.

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(319): She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET. http://tfl.nu/1g2i

Replies (9) Good night (885) Bad night (241)

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