listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
