and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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