I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?