I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.