i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.