So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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