I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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