so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
