Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
