I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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