Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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