Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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