i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
