I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
