just come out here and I will go home with you...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
