like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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