don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
