I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
