someone owes me an orgasm
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
