Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
