I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
