no, he came in my armpit
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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