Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
