You're a womanizer and a bitch.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
