my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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