I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i believe in u and ur pee
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