How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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