I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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