I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
