The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
