i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
