So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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