I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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