low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
