i already hear my dad disowning me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
