Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
