i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
