How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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