i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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