brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
