I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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