I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
