We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
