I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
