Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
