do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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