I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
