he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
