We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
