wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
